why sex

craving desire for the other / visceral connection,

lust - pure, targeted sexual desire,

fun with friends,

desire to bring pleasure to someone you love

too deep

like trimming ones nails, when the starting point goes deeper than you wanted. something about cutting in too deep to get things started, and then requiring time for repair, before goodness can be achieved.

dreams

what have I become?

have I experienced that which I imagined?

have I become that for which I hoped?

have I held in my hands, heart, mind, the experiences for which I dreamed?

how did they go? all of those years I imagined from that time until this?

did I achieve that which I was expecting? did I feel all of those things?

was that little boy lost in the process?

was it worth it to become what I have?

Relational pain, protection, and emptiness

When I feel pained by the some particular relationship, I have thought of simply deciding to adjust my feelings so that nothing that particular person does could ever hurt me again. However, it is the allowance of emotional unprotectedness which makes the good stuff in the relationship so powerful.

Butterfly

climb into my mouth...

Hope

It is hope which both allows us to continue... and destroys us...

tragedy

Sometimes, I feel like life is nothing more than a tragedy which continues until the actors are all dead, like Hamlet. The only thing which we really have are the small moments of feeling connection with those whom we love. We have also those moments of complete transparency, like when Hamlet proclaims his love for Ophelia. And those moments when you really feel like you understand the state of things, though in the smallest way. When the flavor of the wine fills your head, or you take a bite from a steak which is gushing juices from the incision, or hear a song which epitomizes your feeling, or a fascinatingly ugly insect.

Alright, I'm changing. My beginning and ending of the previous paragram argue for different perspectives. I need change...